Need I say more about the title and this post?

In a gist, Christina Grimmie - a young girl who gained fame through youtube as zeldaxlove64 and the singing talent show The Voice, was shot during an autograph signing event in Orlando by an armed gunman He was then taken down by her brother where the shooter had shot himself. Sadly that took her life despite being rushed to the hospital.

Here's a copy and paste from my Facebook page as I think it summarises all the feels I have when I heard about what happened to Christina Grimmie.


My heart goes out to ‪#‎christinagrimmie‬ and her family. It's an extremely sad and tragic incident. I still remember watching her videos when she just started out. I began my youtube life around that time too. Her beautiful voice, that keyboard and those Zelda and Sonic posters in the background.
We all seek to entertain whoever watches our videos. Whether our videos get 100 views or even hundreds of thousands or millions, our main purpose is to brighten the viewers day and inspire them to do more than their usual self.
I always tell people, if even one person who was sad or upset after an entire day's work watches my video and laughs or smiles - all that effort or stupidity I put into my video was worthwhile.

If you haven't heard of her, do pay a visit to her youtube channel where he music will always live on and inspire. zeldaxlove64


What is your goal?

Life is all about random occurrences that coincide leaving incidences and circumstantial situations that many would call fate or destiny.

Whichever you choose to believe in -
what is your goal? 

Many of us go through life either taking the backseat or charging forward. Doing so, we end up with different experiences and different expectations. Things that aren't in control are where we're born, who are our family, what country do you reside in initially, what faith are you brought up to believe in? Have you ever thought about that?

Aside from those, we literally decide our outcome in life. You want to be a millionaire - you take the risk and push yourself till you achieve it. You want a laid back life doing a 9-5 job and withdrawing enough for rent and food for the family, you just do that simple job that supplies you enough.

I remember when I was younger and many of the essays or talks as a primary school student revolved around "my ambition". Back then when the mind was raw and unaware of real-life bribery, cheating, discrimination, racism - how simple life is. Though you did not have a luxury house or car neither a nokia 3310, the only thing you had to think of was handing in your homework to avoid scolding from that math teacher.

As I grew older things changed. I developed skills, developed awareness of the situation and surrounding. Dreams were still beyond our galaxy, a voyage to the unknown.

In a gist, I wanted to be a

1. professional pool player,

2. scientist,

3. astronaut,

4. formula 1 racer,

5. musician,

6. youtuber,

7. surgeon,

8. mechatronic engineer

- but look where I am today?
- A doctor that is keen to specialize in Dermatology. It's a really long way.. but for now that's my journey.

One may say what we choose to become is the sum of all our experiences and advice that we have recollected throughout the many years before jumping into college or university or for some straight into work. Yes, opportunity is an important thing. I know of many who wanted to be doctors but due to lack of monetary funds or scholarships, they're doing something totally non-health related. I also know of people who wanted to be a big time business owner, but struggling to make ends meat.

So today I ask you, what is your goal? I made my goal simple yet difficult since I was young.
~ Even if I end up looking like a fool, so long as somebody sees me and has a better day or even a laugh - it was worth the effort. 
In essence, to make an impact on this Earth; 
not a small one if I may say so ~

Have I achieved it? Probably in baby steps. What about you? Are you simply going through life living it for yourself? What is your goal?

Do you English or England?

The picture above got me thinking.

How often do we butcher our words. As I speak English primarily, this doesn't occur too frequently. Most often such pronunciation errors occur amongst people who speak it as their second language.

In Malaysia, the national language is Malay. Having said that, not all Malaysians speak Malay. What surprised me even more awhile back is some don't even speak a word of Malay or English despite living here for years/ their entire life.

I made a video about it. You can find it at the end of the page. Back to the topic today - we cannot fault people like the person above who repeatedly said cocknice instead of clockwise. This is because their tongues are not accustomed to pronounce such "r's" and "ss" (if you can imagine what I'm trying to say).

Let me mention clearly that I'm not making fun of this person or throwing racist jokes against Malay, Chinese or Indian ethnicities who do not speak fluent English. We must always look at things from the other person's perspective.

Taking this person and myself as an example.

I speak English well, he speaks Chinese well.
- no intonational errors in our respective languages.
He speaks England, I speak China.

Do you get my drift now?

In conclusion, let's not be hasty to joke about other people (as funny as it may be) like the story of the auntie who was selling coke but kept saying cock. If you don't usually speak Chinese, instead of saying yi tiu (one piece), you may end up saying ni diu (you F**k).

If you can speak more than one language or dialect, you're already awesome!

Have a great weekend all! You're fantastic!


The Beggar and I

No, the picture above was not the beggar I saw.

The pic above was googled. I didn't have the heart to take a picture of the man even from a distance. Suffice to say, he was a mid 30's to 40 gentleman; unkempt with poor overall hygiene, cavitating teeth, barefoot and with nothing but a rugged t-shirt and shorts.

It is only common to avoid eye contact or even conversation with "beggars". For most, people have preformed ideas of why the people beg.

Were they there by choice? or is there a syndicate behind it all?

If there was one thing humans are vulnerable to, it is compassion. Nobody says look at the Malaysians. They say, "think about the Africans everytime you have leftover food". The attacks in Syria, bombings in Paris, earthquake in India - and people send multitudes of supplies in form of medicine, food, clothings and some even money.

A few days ago I went to the automated teller machine as I was running short on cash. As I parked my car and walked in I noticed the man squatting at the side stairwell. I imagined that he would somehow ask passer-by's to give him money. As I vacated the bank, he approached me and asked for money -

"Minta wang, saya lapar. Tolong bagi sikit wang untuk makan".
(give me money, i'm hungry, please give a little so i can get food)

I gave him a simple hand gesture indicating I was not going to do so (no I did not flip him off). But I then felt maybe I should do something for this man. I walked a block away to find a coffee shop that sells a good meal. I bought some for myself and also got him a pack of teriyaki chicken rice with a char siew pao.

It totalled up to be less than RM10, but when I gave it to him - he immediately showed his gratitude. As I walked away I saw him scavenge the bag of food and devour the bread so urgently.

To me, it may not be much. But I can imagine that it may have been his only meal for the past several days or that even to come. I'm not one to give money away unnecessarily, but since he asked for food - why not. I urged him to get a job as he was physically able, but he showed humiliation and an expression of being rejected.

I guess we can only do so much. Leave it with a prayer ~

State of Mind

This picture reflects exactly what I'm feeling at the moment.

Looking back at 2015 that's just a week ago, Wow.

Truly a year that played a pivotal role towards my life's plan. Experiences that can't be bought, and questions of the future that are still a somewhat mystery.

In a gist, here's 2015 - as the full story may take 10's of thousands of words and emotions to convey *best to catch me for a cuppa if ya can!
1. Helping my countrymen, Kelantan

2. Disappointed by PPUM

3. The American dream

4. Disappointed by KKM

5. A new adventure in Malaysia, Kuching

6. Medical to Dermatology

7. Youtube stardom still a distant future

8. 2016 - still with big dreams but nothing concrete as usual

Well, the thing that bugs me most is to see people advance in life while I "lag behind". The pathway I chose is a really long journey, and I still can't help but think about the WHAT IFS.

Every year I would make certain resolutions. Needless to say some are met and some may never see light. This year I didn't make any yet. I guess I'm still finding my way in this State of Mind.

What about you?


They say curiosity killed the cat. I say curiosity saved the other cats.

From the time you and I were born, we NEVER stopped learning. If there was a day where you can definitely 100% say you didn't learn anything - you have got to share with me what did you do on that day. FYI, sleeping or being comatosed or dead - technically you're learning within your dream despite the motorless physical state.

Learning need not be a degree or even attending a class. Learning is when you learn something new no matter how minuscule it seems. Example, you walk pass an busy street in New York - you subconsciously learn about people behaviour or even from an advertisement on the billboard. What about in the dessert? You learn about how the wind and weather changes throughout the day.

In my profession, we can never stop learning. The day we stop, is the day we give a subpar treatment to our patients. The world changes daily. And although the steps in managing a simple cough and cold may seem the same, as technology and biomedicine progresses - vaccinations come about and possibly one day an instant relief tablet.

Having said that, I am quite tired of it. Since young the aim was always to achieve straight A's in exams. 80% although an A, was still not good enough. Yes, I am ASIAN level. Going through medical school despite my personal belief it was considered a "holiday course" to me back then, I still studied taking exams one after another.

Years later and although my instagram and youtube may seem all the happs (happening), I still have to make time and study after working or even during. The road to become a specialist is long. For those who know me, I'm the slacker or the class. Not that I choose to be. Somehow I find that there are so many things to learn and see or do other than reading a book or doing questions after questions.

I may have ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) without me realizing. But I just cannot sit still when it comes to studying. It's such a bore listening to people telling me to study or etc. It's cool to know more about whatever I am doing. But the fact I have to sit another million exams to get there... I'm certain some of you understand my exact feelings very well.

In the end I ask myself - is it because I don't find what I'm doing interesting? Or am i just pure lazy. I guess it's a mixture of both. But do wish me luck for the hurdles I face in life. Hopefully one day I will look back at this post and say I made it through all those useless exams and achieved the ambition I desire.

Remember, knowledge is power. Knowledge is a right and a privilege. Let's make the best of it and

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